Rob Jones for President

A couple of us were discussing Rick Perry’s candidacy…
Which in light of his rough run on the debate circuit lately seems to be on the ropes, with last nights showing just adding fuel to the fire. He’s still beating “undecided” in the polls, but the consensus was that it *does* seem to be gaining on him.

In response to our comments one friend inserted the following:

Oh for pete’s sake. Everyone is acting like he cursed on national TV or got caught in some heinous act. Who among us hasn’t had a brain fart in their life? I could care less how good (or not so good) of a speaker our next president is. I only care if he can turn our country back around.

Do debates really matter?
I have no quarrel with her statement… just think this isn’t turning out to be Rick’s year. That could change, but he’s going to HAVE to have an amazing transformation in his debate performance for him to recover, and it has to start immediately.

Why?
Because debates have a way of making or breaking candidates. Let’s look at a few elections during my lifetime and compare:

—–

Kennedy vs Nixon
Kennedy’s stage presence on TV was a factor in his win.Those who heard it on the radio tended to score it as a win for the more experienced Nixon, who had command of the facts and a lot more experience. Those that saw it televised tended to score it as a win for the cool as a cucumber Kennedy rather than the profusely sweating and visibly uncomfortable Nixon. It looked like a polished MBA grad talking politics with a used-car salesman.

—–

Reagan vs Ford
In the run for the GOP nomination, Reagan deflecting Ford’s reference to his age with scripted but well delivered humor made it look like a choice between a rookie and a pro. Paraphrased:[I] “Sure age is a factor, but I refuse to make an issue of my opponent’s youth and inexperience.”[/I] Ford never really had a chance. The camera was Reagan’s home court.

—–

Reagan vs Carter
The sequence most recall was the deftly executed loose change analogy. Reagan stopped in the middle of a discussion of economic policy to pull a few coins from his pocket and make a down-to-earth point about economics. Not that it was that deep, but it was on a level everyone could identify with, and as stated by one pundit, only Reagan couldve pulled that one off…  Ford wouldve dropped the change, Carter wouldve screwed up the metaphor, and Nixon probably would’ve just stolen the money.

The economy was in a shambles. Inflation was skyrocketing, interest rates were above 20%, the national identity was in a post-Vietnam funk. We had been in a sustained hostage crisis with the fledgling new government of Iran, and bearded guys that looked like they dressed at Macy’s White Sale were dictating terms to us. Our embassy was taken over pretty much without a fight… Marines were denied the chance to defend it.

Reagan exuded confidence and strength. Carter looked like Mr Rogers. Carter went down as a 1-termer.

—–

Quayle vs Benson
Dan Quayle’s VP debate against the seasoned veteran Lloyd Benson foreshadowed his future skill for discovering political landmines with his own feet. Attempting to forestall criticism of his dismal level of experience, he mentioned that he was the same age JFK was when elected president. Benson countered with the now famous line about having known Jack Kennedy personally, having been his friend… followed by the clincher… “and you sir are NO Jack Kennedy”. Had Benson been atop the ticket instead of in the VP spot they’d probably have won the race.

—–

Bush (SR) vs Clinton
In the wake of the Gulf War, Bush senior was considered such a shoe-in that all major potential opposition refused to run against him. The nomination virtually went by default to a political longshot… the little known governor from an electorally insignificant state with a lot of political baggage. Clinton was reportedly a womanizer, had managed a deferment to avoid military service of any kind during Vietnam, and dealt with his history of marijuana use with the famous “but I didn’t inhale” line. His campaign was poorly funded and his staffers were comparative rookies.

In stark contrast, Clinton was matched against a seasoned political veteran, wealthy, well staffed, and with the benefit of being the incumbent.  A WW2 hero, former VP, former CIA head, former Senator, former ambassador, a favorite son of a state with electoral clout, and who’d just decisively kicked ass on an unpopular dictator in a popular conflict in record time with little loss of life on our side.

The ONLY thing Clinton really had on his side was a personal magnetism that made even those who opposed his politics admit he was a likeable guy.

Bush thought he had it won and virtually refused to campaign, creating the ill-fated “Rose Garden strategy”. The plan was to act like he was above campaigning,  just far to busy being President to prepare for this unseemly campaign thing against a clearly inferior wannabe from BFE.

Clinton, on the other hand, showed up for debates with a Kennedyesque presence that propelled him to a win against seemingly overwhelming odds. Possibly the best example of presence trumping experience and qualifications.

—–

Bush (GW) vs Gore
George W was a poor debater. There was something vaguely unsettling about handing the nuclear football to a guy that couldn’t pronounce the word “nuclear”. That given, he was up against Albert “I created the internet” Gore.

Gore had a penchant for overstating his accomplishments and the general demeanor of a wooden indian. He droned on incessantly about a social security lockbox while Bush did to English what butchers do to hogs.

The uncontested winner… Saturday Night Live. No wonder the election was almost a statistical tie.

—–

Debates are not the whole shootin’ match (BUT)
Obviously if stage presence, delivery, and the ability to think on your feet was the only criteria, Dennis Miller would now be ending his 2nd term. These are nice attributes, but it helps to also have some substantive things to say. That said, more people vote on likability than study political issues, and at least debates usually weed out guys that’d develop a deer in the headlights stance in a confrontation with foreign brass.

So basically it isn’t that I wouldn’t vote for Perry, I just think his candidacy is faltering on his lack of debate skill. I don’t know if he’s a better or worse candidate than his rivals, but I’d like to see the choice made on the basis of his ability as a candidate rather than his seeming inability as a debater, but he has to improve at that or historically he’s toast.

In truth it’d be hard to find ANYONE I wouldn’t vote for if the choice were between them vs Obama. Having seen what he apparently meant by “Hope and Change”… I’m hoping for a change, so good luck to all of the GOP hopefuls. Let’s stick to policy and skip the silliness fellas, cause there’s just too much at stake.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

The GOP Lives up to Their Promise (Finally)

I mean, for a while there it looked like this candidate selection process was gonna be a snooze. GOP hopefuls gathered at podiums and droned on about taxes, the economy, wasteful spending. Geeze. Do these lunkheads not know I can login to the Politics and Religion section of any webmaster forum and get definitive answers to that crap in a heartbeat?

So instead of wasting our valuable time pontificating about stuff nobody really cares about, c’mon, give us what we REALLY want.

Well, that wish has been answered

Because instead of blather about jobs and economic recovery, we finally get to the meaty stuff that millions of out of work underemployed Americans taxed so DC and their corporate buddies can line each others pockets TRULY care about… Herman Cain’s sexual proclivities and Mit Romneys religious convictions.

I for one spent the first several debates wondering why the hell nobody had the courage to ask Mit how many wives he *really* has… or whether Herman Cain might at some convention in the 90′s have hugged some delegate just a little too long for comfort. THESE are the burning questions that drive Americans to watch debates, and we will not go unfulfilled.

Frankly I’m a little disappointed

What are the most important guys in the election doing? Are the opposition researchers asleep at the wheel, cause as far as I can tell nobody has interviewed Cains high school prom date to find out if that uppity lech tried to cop a feel on the front porch. Nor does anybody appear to have checked Romney’s wallet for the Illuminati membership card that is bound to be there.

[They own everything ya know.]

Anyway, notwithstanding these minor failures to follow up…

At least they’ve done the appropriate thing and formed the traditional circular firing squad. Now instead of having to listen to meaningless drivel about economic issues we can watch accusations, counter-accusations, denials, and self-righteous bluster just as God intended. Let us all join as one to focus our ire on the only two guys in the room that have experience having to meet a payroll. If we concentrate on getting them to talk about sex and religion instead of that other boring crap maybe we can get yet another career politician into the office.

Better yet… maybe we can have four more years of bliss and prosperity under the benign largess of the offices current occupant.

Good show boys. For a bit there ya had us worried.

DISCLAIMER: This has nothing to do with sex
So… if you got to this page via search engine and your previous search terms were “kama sutra”, “adult entertainment”, or “sex toys”, this post will be a huge disappointment.

Coincidentally that probably holds true if you got here any other way, cause how smart could I be to have just wasted the best linkbait paragraph I’ve ever written on an un-monetized blog?

Batteries Not Included
Occasionally I have been known to mention that it’s silly to wonder why kids don’t have properly developed value systems when they’re raised by TVs and X-box’s instead of moms and dads. I might do this for any number of reasons:

* Its true
* I’m bitter at having been raised by mere humans
* It’s in the by-laws of the “People-over-50″ union and I hadn’t hit the quota
* Always did want to sound like Andy Rooney

Every generation thinks the one below them’s brain-dead, and is just as sure  it’s due to their appallingly easy and decadent lifestyle that has never required them to trudge two miles in the snow (uphill both ways) to reach  [(A) school  (B) drinking water  (C) flush-toilets  (D) Starbucks  (E) other]… so it’d be redundant to write about it again. So basically I’m saying you can ignore everything from here up, as this too isnt what I’m posting about.

Now it’s tempting to make this post about stuff the post isn’t about, then stop.
I’ll fight the urge (far as you know).

To make a long story short, it’s too late to make a long story short
So here’s the point of the title. When I was in college a couple of frat buddies and I worked together, and spent days entertaining ourselves with names for sequels to “Coma”. Basically any movie name offers ample opportunity, some better than others.

* The Good, the Bad, and the Coma

* Coma from the Black Lagoon

* Comablanca

We’d toil quietly for a stretch, then somebody’d say “A Fistful of Comas” or somesuch and we’d all crack up. Afterward we might have a deep philosophical debate on why “Singin’ in the Coma” was vastly funnier than “Coma in the Rain”, or why Jimmy Stewart probably wouldnt be right for “It’s a Wonderful Coma”.

I’m sure this says something about the heightened level of sophistication prevalent in the college greek system, but mostly speaks to the enormous number of brain cells we destroyed in the same general time period.

Anyway, thought I’d toss it out in case anyone needs and activity to play along with on a car trip or a rainy day when the batteries have lost their charge. When the novelty wears off you can switch over to the game Kat’s playing in a Facebook thread where you replace a word in a famous quote with “duck”.

That’s about it. If you made it to here you truly oughta get a hobby. Have a great weekend, and remember…

‎”This above all: to thine own duck be true.” ~ Hamlet

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I make no claims to parental Hall of Fame status myself
Ring Lardner exemplified my own style, at least some days, in a line of The Young Immigrants.

Are you lost daddy I arsked tenderly.
Shut up he explained.

But hey, I had good days too. Regardless, got lucky, the kids came out pretty darned good.

My dad was the “go-to” guy for a lotta folks
He was always helping because he knew how, and people knew he knew. If he begrudged it he never mentioned it. It was typical to find he’d been at someone’s house and spontaneously repaired their pool filter or carburetor, almost always while wearing his best clothes. He just rolled up his sleeves in whatever he had on and did what needed to be done. Getting paid for his expertise wasn’t a real priority, he helped because he could.

“Popper is a fixer”
Dad’s role in life was best summed up by a toddler in an incident when we were headed over to his house with the kids. As we exited the car I kicked out a coffee cup (which I always carefully store on the floorboard of my vehicle) into the street and it busted. Sensing my frustration, Kelly, who was fairly new to speaking in full sentences at the time, said “You can take it in to Popper. Popper is a fixer.” She was right, that’s pretty much what he was, a fixer. Kids catch on quick.

Dad was part of what’s become known as “the greatest generation”… the guys that fought and won WW2, then jump started the boom of the 1950′s from an economy that’d been in a depression when they left… while spawning “the baby boom” in the process.

Archive photo of Mom and Dad plotting the baby boom at Ft Worth Botanical Gardens.

They were a self-sufficient bunch
The last in our country that predominantly grew up “on the farm”. They had that farm work ethic, you got up early and worked from “Can til Can’t”, and they knew how to do things. They knew everything from engines to firearms to long division. I consider myself a good shot, but still recall in awe seeing him take a target off a telephone line, offhanded, from a moving car, with iron sights. [Hey, long drive, we were bored, way out in the sticks.] And lest I be impressed I managed a Finance degree before PCs… hand drawing spreadsheets aided by a calculator… he got a Mathematics degree armed with a slide-rule. He wins.

The guy never bought anything he could fabricate
And having been a machinist in the Navy and an engineer by trade, there wasnt much he couldn’t fabricate. Drove me nuts. He’d spend two hours creating a part I could’ve picked up at the store for $2, but the guys raised in the depression didn’t go “store bought” if they could do it themself. McGuyver could have taken lessons from the man.

I owe a huge debt not just to my dad, but to many of that generation
They were the fraternity that raised us. Some that come to mind…

Joe Dunham – My RA leader (think Baptist Boy Scouts)
Joe never begrudged us his time. He took us camping, took us fishing, taught us the ropes (literally), and a lot about ethics, duty, brotherhood, and self-reliance. Sometimes intentionally, more often by example.

When I was in first grade we were on the old SilverLake Fishing Barge pulling an overnighter, I was whimpering about having to use this gross-to-the-extreme bathroom. [Lol, kids whine about anything.] He gave me a comparison about the hand dug latrines they’d lived with in the war. To this day I’m not positive if he was in WW2 or Korea, and I kick myself for being too young to think to ask.

Thinking of this brings memories of snipe hunts (our initiation for the new members on a campout), belt-lines (we learned our actions had consequences), slithering on my belly thru the grass in late night capture the flag games, and wandering dry creekbeds at a weeklong camp in the summer. It’d drive today’s lawsuit-scared leaders to death. Joe knew kids weren’t real breakable.

He lived in a well kept modest home with his wife and kids, and sold insurance. I was a teenager before I realized he had a job besides teaching kids that were only his responsibility because he chose, letting us know when to use a bowline knot and when to use a sheetbend.

Another that comes to mind: Joe Taylor
Joe was also one of my RA leaders for a while, but also taught our age group “Sunday School” for many years. His son was my best friend in elementary school, and I went camping and fishing with Joe and his boys.

Joe taught me to use a plastic worm to fish, adding a new weapon to my repertoire (my dad was solidly in the “live-bait” group). Caught my first catfish on a fake worm at a stockpond while camping with him. I recall those campouts when I see the 3-inch scar down my arm where his kid and I used a board over a saw-horse as a makeshift teter-totter. Accidents happen, skin heals, memories are worth a few scars.

We learned a lot from him, and at some point I recall him mentioning he’d been a POW in Germany. Again, I didn’t grasp the gravity.

All we knew about POW camps we learned watching Hogan’s Heroes. For all I knew he’d had a great time with a lovable but klutzy guard who said “I know NOTHINK!” a lot. We had no idea we were in the company of quiet heroes all around us, men who had sacrificed much, men who pretty much saved the world, and they never mentioned it.

My uncles and pretty much most of the guys I knew as a kid
…all served in the wars that immediately preceded my birth. My dad, one of the youngsters of his family, got old enough to  join the Navy right as the war was closing. He did a tour in the South Pacific while there were still pockets of die-hard Nippons that didn’t know the war was over. Who knew these guys could critique movies like “Battle of the Bulge” and “Midway” better than the rest of us cause they’d seen the play?

What I did know was things like fishing for flat-head with my dad on the Pontchartrain levee in 4th grade after he’d worked all day. At no point did it occur he might be exhausted from work, nor how lucky I was he’d spend the time many parents don’t do today. Just wondered how he could snack on those awful sardines we were using for bait.

And though this has stretched long, here’s the point. None of the guys above, nor others that contributed similarly… were as far as I’m aware a huge financial “success” by standards of today, nor appeared interested in it. Normal houses, no expensive toys. Just not self-centered. They lived productive lives, raised their family, did their job, and helped in their community. Their values did not involve a dollar sign.

In my 30′s… Success was measured in dollars
When Dad died I reassessed. I looked at wealthy but useless guys living like sharks that cant stop moving or they’ll die. Then looked at those who shaped my life. Dollar signs are an inadequate tool to measure by. Don’t get me wrong, money’s fun, BUT devoting your entire existence to becoming the richest corpse in the cemetery is a wasted life even if you accomplish it.

As penned by Robert Louis Stevenson, here’s a better model to measure by:

That man is a success who has lived well,
Laughed often and loved much;
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children;
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
Who leaves the world better than he found it,
Whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul,
Who never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.