How Media Choices Affect Perspective
Let’s see how different channels handled the recent events in Sydney.
Yeah, ok… I might’ve exagerated a tad, but you get the point.
ETIQUETTE TIP #107:
Remember, the obligation to be courteous shouldn’t stop in the workplace. For example, ladies, if offered a relaxing backrub, it’s annoying when you immediately assume it’s only offered as a prelude to sex.
In the same vein, it’s just rude to respond with a barrage of questions like “Who the hell are you” or “How did you get into my house?!”.
THIS JUST IN: Magistrate rules deaths in Sleepy Hollow “workplace violence”. Cautions citizens against over-generalizing. “Headless horsemen have long been a vital part of the fabric of our nation”.
If it helps, don’t think of him as a trespasser, consider him an “undocumented resident” of the White House. Show a little compassion for heaven’s sake. He adds diversity to the tapestry that is the oval office. This isn’t a crime, it’s a humanitarian crisis.
So do the right thing, Barry… just put him up in the Lincoln bedroom a coupla months at your expense while congress decides whether or not he can just stay there forever.
Unless maybe you want to just pull out that famous pen and let him stay there yourself.
This crew wouldn’t recognize irony if it chewed off their pants leg.
-GAME SAFETY SURVEY —–
* SURVEY OBJECTIVE:
Identify safe children’s games
* SURVEY QUESTION:
Is this game safe to play?
* POPULATION: 6 players
* SAMPLE SIZE: 83.33%
* RESULT: YES
(100% concurrence of interviewees)
FINDING: Survey covers more than representative sample of population (1 player was unavailable for comment). After interviewing all available participants, we have overwhelming data to support conclusion the game is safe.
RECOMMENDATION: Recommend adoption in elementary schools as replacement for dangerous playground games.
NAME OF GAME: “Russian Roulette”
NATIONAL SECURITY NEWS
This morning the White House announced completion of a new ultra secure southern border fence, built at a cost of $3 trillion. Nancy Pelosi pronounced this as clear evidence of the president’s continued commitment to the safety of our homeland.
A $4 billion bid is underway to have the sign thereon translated into Arabic, Urdu, Pashto and Farsi.
The sign contract, secured by Barry’s Imaginary Son & Sons, is estimated for completion in June.
In Related News…
The president of Mexico filed a formal protest, saying such unwarranted and Draconian security measures might deny millions of central and south American children their right to unfettered access to the US education system.