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Great Moments in Social Media: Obama Sends Troops to Fight Ebola

October 11, 2014

The Big Announcement…

great moments 1

 

 

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

ETIQUETTE TIP #107

October 10, 2014

How not to be a Dick

 

ETIQUETTE TIP #107:
Remember, the obligation to be courteous shouldn’t stop in the workplace. For example, ladies, if offered a relaxing backrub, it’s annoying when you immediately assume it’s only offered as a prelude to sex.

In the same vein, it’s just rude to respond with a barrage of questions like “Who the hell are you” or “How did you get into my house?!”.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

Deaths in Sleepy Hollow ruled “Workplace Violence”

September 29, 2014

headless horseman

THIS JUST IN: Magistrate rules deaths in Sleepy Hollow “workplace violence”. Cautions citizens against over-generalizing. “Headless horsemen have long been a vital part of the fabric of our nation”.

 

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

1 Guy Jumps Fence – White House Evacuated

September 20, 2014

wh intruderSeriously? We have people jump our fence a few thousand times a day and we haven’t evacuated Texas, you giant pansy.

If it helps, don’t think of him as a trespasser, consider him an “undocumented resident” of the White House. Show a little compassion for heaven’s sake. He adds diversity to the tapestry that is the oval office. This isn’t a crime, it’s a humanitarian crisis.

So do the right thing, Barry… just put him up in the Lincoln bedroom a coupla months at your expense while congress decides whether or not he can just stay there forever.

Unless maybe you want to just pull out that famous pen and let him stay there yourself.

This crew wouldn’t recognize irony if it chewed off their pants leg.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

Statistics Never Lie

September 18, 2014

-statistics never lieGAME SAFETY SURVEY —–

* SURVEY OBJECTIVE:
Identify safe children’s games

* SURVEY QUESTION:
Is this game safe to play?

* POPULATION: 6 players

* SAMPLE SIZE: 83.33%

* RESULT: YES 
(100% concurrence of interviewees)

FINDING: Survey covers more than representative sample of population (1 player was unavailable for comment). After interviewing all available participants, we have overwhelming data to support conclusion the game is safe.

RECOMMENDATION: Recommend adoption in elementary schools as replacement for dangerous playground games.

NAME OF GAME: “Russian Roulette”

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

White House Announces Improved Border Security

September 15, 2014

NATIONAL SECURITY NEWS
This morning the White House announced completion of a new ultra secure southern border fence, built at a cost of $3 trillion. Nancy Pelosi pronounced this as clear evidence of the president’s continued commitment to the safety of our homeland.

A $4 billion bid is underway to have the sign thereon translated into Arabic, Urdu, Pashto and Farsi.

border gate

The sign contract, secured by Barry’s Imaginary Son & Sons, is estimated for completion in June.

In Related News…
The president of Mexico filed a formal protest, saying such unwarranted and Draconian security measures might deny millions of central and south American children their right to unfettered access to the US education system.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

9-11… Thoughts on the Obama ISIS speech

September 11, 2014
9-11

This is why we can never just pretend someone who declares war on us can be largely ignored.

September 11, 2001…

13 years ago on 9-11, we were attacked by Muslim jihadists. It was not the first time, just the most successful. It woke us up to the reality that when someone declares war on you, ignoring it is not a good option.

I do miss the clarity offered by George Bush. He didn’t condemn all Muslims as terrorists, but neither did he unrealistically deny we are under attack by Muslim terrorists. Today we are led by someone that treats Islamic terrorism like we live in a Harry Potter novel and we cannot mention “he who shall not be named”.

Pardon me for suspecting it doesn’t bode well to go to war under a leader that isn’t even willing to properly identify WHO we are at war with. They know exactly who we are. We should be as honest about it.

Last night the president said he will model the coming conflict on our actions in Yemen and Somalia.

Does anyone recall us WINNING in Yemen or Somalia?

We haven’t. They are as we speak, hotbeds of terrorism, and well established training grounds for terrorists. Why would we model our effort on a plan that hasn’t provided a successful result?

One vivid memory of the Somalia campaign was the Mogadishu event recorded in the book Blackhawk Down. The trouble stemmed from troops expected to do a job while being limited to lesser weapons than they asked for. They were sent to capture a warlord and his crew. They requested armor for extraction and AC130 gunships flying support.

Somalis atop downed Black Hawk celebrate our choice to limit our response in Mogadishu

Somalis atop downed Black Hawk celebrate our choice to limit our response in Mogadishu

They got much less, because civilians halfway across the world in Clintonian DC wanted something “lower profile” in the name of political correctness. [Can’t look like bullies dontchaknow.] Our men went in without the armor and firepower we could easily have supplied, and in result we lost men we shouldn’t have lost.

Then the president pulled our troops out like our tail was catching fire instead of retaliating in force. Result: Somalia is to this day a lawless terrorist paradise. Sure, let’s make THAT our model.

I guess the bright side is he didn’t say he’d base it on his response in Benghazi.

So yes… I fully believe the president will model our effort on failed campaigns and try to fight a politically correct war. He’s the first president to ever try to treat war as a video game. He will get more people hurt than he will help because he’s forgotten the benefit of being a super-power in a war is USING that power. If you MUST fight, unleash the dogs and fight.

We are entering into a conflict the president clearly didn’t wish to fight but was dragged into by public opinion. He is truly trying to “lead from behind”. I am not looking forward to watching him try to run a war based on the latest public opinion poll while ignoring advice of military leaders for whom his every action has shown disdain.

What he should be doing is telling our military what the GOAL is, and let THEM develop the strategy to accomplish it. I have faith in our military, but an army of lions led by a lamb may be in trouble up against an army of lambs led by a lion.

As 9/11/2001 showed us, we can’t ignore the threat, but going about this as it is being handled is very troubling.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

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