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White House Announces Improved Border Security

September 15, 2014

This morning the White House announced completion of a new ultra secure southern border fence, built at a cost of $3 trillion. Nancy Pelosi pronounced this as clear evidence of the president’s continued commitment to the safety of our homeland.

A $4 billion bid is underway to have the sign thereon translated into Arabic, Urdu, Pashto and Farsi.

border gate

The sign contract, secured by Barry’s Imaginary Son & Sons, is estimated for completion in June.

In Related News…
The president of Mexico filed a formal protest, saying such unwarranted and Draconian security measures might deny millions of central and south American children their right to unfettered access to the US education system.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

9-11… Thoughts on the Obama ISIS speech

September 11, 2014

This is why we can never just pretend someone who declares war on us can be largely ignored.

September 11, 2001…

13 years ago on 9-11, we were attacked by Muslim jihadists. It was not the first time, just the most successful. It woke us up to the reality that when someone declares war on you, ignoring it is not a good option.

I do miss the clarity offered by George Bush. He didn’t condemn all Muslims as terrorists, but neither did he unrealistically deny we are under attack by Muslim terrorists. Today we are led by someone that treats Islamic terrorism like we live in a Harry Potter novel and we cannot mention “he who shall not be named”.

Pardon me for suspecting it doesn’t bode well to go to war under a leader that isn’t even willing to properly identify WHO we are at war with. They know exactly who we are. We should be as honest about it.

Last night the president said he will model the coming conflict on our actions in Yemen and Somalia.

Does anyone recall us WINNING in Yemen or Somalia?

We haven’t. They are as we speak, hotbeds of terrorism, and well established training grounds for terrorists. Why would we model our effort on a plan that hasn’t provided a successful result?

One vivid memory of the Somalia campaign was the Mogadishu event recorded in the book Blackhawk Down. The trouble stemmed from troops expected to do a job while being limited to lesser weapons than they asked for. They were sent to capture a warlord and his crew. They requested armor for extraction and AC130 gunships flying support.

Somalis atop downed Black Hawk celebrate our choice to limit our response in Mogadishu

Somalis atop downed Black Hawk celebrate our choice to limit our response in Mogadishu

They got much less, because civilians halfway across the world in Clintonian DC wanted something “lower profile” in the name of political correctness. [Can’t look like bullies dontchaknow.] Our men went in without the armor and firepower we could easily have supplied, and in result we lost men we shouldn’t have lost.

Then the president pulled our troops out like our tail was catching fire instead of retaliating in force. Result: Somalia is to this day a lawless terrorist paradise. Sure, let’s make THAT our model.

I guess the bright side is he didn’t say he’d base it on his response in Benghazi.

So yes… I fully believe the president will model our effort on failed campaigns and try to fight a politically correct war. He’s the first president to ever try to treat war as a video game. He will get more people hurt than he will help because he’s forgotten the benefit of being a super-power in a war is USING that power. If you MUST fight, unleash the dogs and fight.

We are entering into a conflict the president clearly didn’t wish to fight but was dragged into by public opinion. He is truly trying to “lead from behind”. I am not looking forward to watching him try to run a war based on the latest public opinion poll while ignoring advice of military leaders for whom his every action has shown disdain.

What he should be doing is telling our military what the GOAL is, and let THEM develop the strategy to accomplish it. I have faith in our military, but an army of lions led by a lamb may be in trouble up against an army of lambs led by a lion.

As 9/11/2001 showed us, we can’t ignore the threat, but going about this as it is being handled is very troubling.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

Hey Kids! Time to Play ObamaSpeech Bingo!

September 10, 2014


1) Starts speech 15 or more minutes after announced time
2) Says “Let me be clear about this”
3) Blames “previous administration” for anything
4) Attempts to sound like MLK and breaks into southern belle accent
5) Says “Islam is a religion of peace”
6) Takes credit for something he had little/nothing to do with
7) Calls ISIS “ISIL” to avoid pointing out he screwed up in Syria
8) Raises voice while pointing toward right field foul line
9) Says “boots on the ground”
10) References woman in audience fainting, throws out water bottle
11) Says the phrase “right side of history”
12) Gets off teleprompter and surrenders to France


1) Says “because it’s the right thing to do”
2) Blames GOP, tea party or Do-nothing congress.
3) Raises hand to ear in “I can’t hear you” mode
4) Any permutation of the phrase “crossing the line”.
5) Mentions powers he has which are not enumerated in Constitution
6) Mentions the death of Osama bin Laden
7) Pretends he crushed Al Qaida
8) Says “as Commander-in-Chief”
9) Actually catches fainting woman
10) Emphasizes point with left-hand hatchet chop
11) Gets off teleprompter and comes out of closet

jackassAdvanced Players & Alcoholics:
• Teams alternate taking Tequila shots every time he uses the pronoun “I” or “me”. When you lose consciousness you are out.
• If he uses them more than 5 or more times in 1 sentence, both teams must stand on one leg til he does so again. If you fall down you’re out.


BONUS: If he admits that a country the US had in its possession when he took the reins is being conquered by a guy the US had in captivity when he took the reins… both teams win.


I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.


Greg Abbott: Hates Children, Puppies… Loves Rapists

September 5, 2014
tags: ,
ABBOTT: Loves rapists, fatcats. Hates children. Can't stand.

ABBOTT: Loves rapists, fatcats. Hates children. Can’t stand.

GREG ABBOTT – As Texas Attorney General

  • * He dropped charges against rapists statewide.
  • * He tried to make wife-beating legal.
  • * Twice sued to have children’s piggy banks confiscated & distributed to his fatcat friends.

Plus… Greg Abbott hates puppies. Yes. He really does.




WENDY: Loves children, puppies, & people.  NOT cripple.

WENDY: Loves children, puppies, & people.
NOT cripple.

WENDY DAVIS – Born in a manger, wrapped in swaddling clothes with cute pink tennies… surrounded by bipartisan wise men, Wendy Davis loves puppies and children.

Wendy Davis has devoted most of her life to doing good for humanity, and the parts she didn’t, she can explain. And Wendy isn’t a cripple. She has fashionable running shoes, AND can use them.

And her smile makes flowers bloom.



If not, you hate women.*

*Paid for by Wendy for Holy & Not at All Cynical & Nasty Governor Fund

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

Obama Takes Aim at ISIS

September 3, 2014

In a move that can only be described as Machiavellian, Barack Obama deployed the Ferguson MO Police Force to the Syria/Iraq border.

In response, ISIS protested by looting their own headquarters and burning down the only available gas station within 10 miles.

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

2014: The Day the Earth Stopped

August 27, 2014

It started like any other summer day.

Dad was in the kitchen on his cellphone trying to get a cup of coffee down and a business deal tied up. He signaled mom to turn the TV down so he could hear, but as soon as she did, she turned the other one up. He gave her a nasty look, looked like he might say something more to her, then put his finger over one ear and plugged on talking to the phone.

Mom was watching a repeat of some show with Guy Fiere visiting yet another diner that made the “Best Ribs in {insert city here}”.  She also had it on in the kitchen, where she was cooking something that smelled delicious, but historically probably wasn’t. To be fair it might have been better if Dad had skipped the middleman and married Guy Fiere. We’d eat better. 

Suz was holed up in her room, well into what would likely be a marathon texting session with a boy she claimed was “just a friend”. Everyone knew otherwise of course, the ringtone she used for him told an entirely different story.

I was playing a first person shooter game, determined to obliterate that prick in Florida who took me out last week. Who was this SOB, and why did he never seem to die?

Michael, aka the little nerd, was in a webmaster forum answering questions on search engine optimization. Wonder how many of the guys on the other end know SearchPro42 is twelve years old? Probably wouldn’t matter, for all we know, they are too.

He says apparently India has exactly two kinds of people; spammy Search Optimizers, and people that hire spammy Search Optimizers. Hell if I know. I don’t speak geek. They should have some kind of test for this. I can’t possibly be related to this munchkin.

Then IT happened.

Don’t get me wrong, we’d had internet outages before. The day that idiot drunk down the street plowed into the phone pole, we’d lost internet AND TV for almost an hour. And we’d had cell-phone outages before. To be honest our reception wasn’t that good to begin with. Something about the tower location and the geography on our street. Danged sure didn’t match their 4G map.

But never had we had phones AND television AND the net go out at the same time.

The house was suddenly eerily quiet. Not a sound. Totally silent. Suz came out of her room with phone in hand, looking distressed. Dad was holding his to the ceiling to see if the reception magically worked 2 ft higher than he’d been holding it. Michael walked out of his bedroom and looked at the rest of us accusingly, as if one of us broke the internet.

Mom, suddenly the level headed one, decided to call the cable company and check on the time they’d need to fix the TV. It wasn’t until then it occurred to her we haven’t had a land-line in 6 years and the cell reception went out at the same time.

I’m not going to say we panicked, cause comparatively we did pretty good. It’s my understanding half the people on my block with a land-line were calling the cable company, a quarter were calling the cell provider, and the remainder actually dialed 911.

This WAS an emergency. Nobody really knew what to do. We were trapped.

Then the strangest thing occurred.

One-by-one, slowly at first, then in increasing numbers… rusty door hinges up and down the block began to swing open. Teens who had not been without electronic communication since their 1st birthday stepped out, tentatively at first, then began pouring out of houses. Some dazed, a bit confused. Others looking about in wonder.

We couldn’t help but notice there was a glowing orange ball in the sky.

And that the air conditioning in our yard sucked.


I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

It’s About the Choices, Not the Hardware

August 27, 2014

There’s an old story (possibly apocryphal, but it works) about a guy running a camp for boys, being interviewed on the radio by a “progressive” young lady. She decided to ambush him on air.

Radio-microphone“Sir, I noticed you had the boys shooting assault rifles!”

“Actually those were single-shot .22s, but yes, we teach the boys gun safety and marksmanship… both good life-skills.”

“Life skills? You’re giving them all the equipment needed to become successful TERRORISTS! They’re just BOYS”

“Well ma’am… I see you have all the equipment needed to become a successful prostitute, but I’m gonna assume you’re just a reporter.”

—- [ DEAD AIR ] —-

It’s not about the hardware… it’s about the choices we make.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.



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