ALABAMA RESPONDS IMMEDIATELY
Today in an apparent response to news reports that Russia invaded Georgia, the Alabama National Guard has been placed on full alert. Formations of armed F-16s have been seen over Birmingham, and a long column of tanks, humvees, and lightly armored Chevy pickups is reportedly headed toward Atlanta.
“I knew the cold war wasn’t over” said the governor in a televised statement before a bewildered press… “it was always just a matter o’ time before the damn Ruskies tried this.“
Informed sources indicate a Pentagon spokesman responded to news of the announcement by saying…. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
“Tropic Thunder” Sparks Protests
The much heralded release of the movie “Tropic Thunder” has been a source of recent controversy, as protesters picketed in response to the production’s ‘insensitive treatment of the “intellectually challenged” ‘.
Apparently repeated use of what protesters termed “the R word” sparked long simmering resentments about alleged Hollywood bias as illustrated by liberal use of the word “retards“.
A spokesman for “People Challenging Names Unfair To the Special”, known commonly as PCNUTS, initially threatened to shut down all access to the movie, though he withdrew the threat after it was discovered they had successfully blockaded all access to the local library and were in fact two blocks from the theater they’d planned to target.
“We still consider this a moral victory…” said the spokesman, who declined further comment as he’d just been alerted to report to his National Guard unit.