PLEASE READ CAREFULLY:
NEW OPERATING PROCEEDURES
As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is elected, our company will adopt new policies in keeping with his inspiring message of change and fairness:
- 1. Salespeople will pool sales and bonuses into a common fund to be divided equally. This will offer those underachieving a “fair shake.”
- 2. Wage employees will pool wages (including overtime) into a common pool to be divided equally. This will enable those too busy for overtime to share equally with those blessed with the time to work extra hours.
- 3. Management will now be referred to as “the government.” We will not participate in “pooling” because the law doesn’t apply to us.
- 4. The “government” will give eloquent speeches each week encouraging workers to continue to work hard “for the good of all.”
We are certain you will be thrilled because it’s “good to spread the wealth.” Those who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; Those who worked hard to attain success will feel patriotic.
ADDED: The last few people hired should clean out their desks. It’s OK, President Obama will give you free healthcare, handouts, oil for heating your home, foodstamps, and let you stay in your home as long as you want even if you can’t pay your mortgage.
If you appeal directly to congress you might even get a free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts. Shouldn’t we all be entitled to nice looking hair?
Got this from an email sent by Mark Skinner. Didnt ask if it was original before posting it… even if he wrote it he stole the ideas from Obama, who in turn borrowed ’em from the Soviet Union.
Reminds me … Howard Dean never paid for my nice artwork in ’04. He said something about having security escort me, I just figured I was getting a really big fee.
I captured the core values of the Democrats pretty well if I do say so myself.
LOL… some things never change.
6 thoughts on “Notice to All Employees”
Well! I’m very put out. All these years living under a Labour government and I’m still not getting free haircuts.
Mind you I do get free healthcare, with the result that I’m still alive to moan and groan about said government, which is our most cherished national pastime after complaining about the weather. So clearly great British traditions are being upheld.
I am opening a bank account as I write this so I can have a place to put the wealth about to be shared with me! My momma didn’t raise no fool…I’ll take it…especially a few million from those Bear Sterns execs who got big bonuses for losing money!
Change “PROCEEDURES” to “PROCEDURES”
Don’t make me edit your blog!:)
Hmmm… been editing in a UK directory the last few weeks… guess weird “speellings” don’t jump out at me after a mind numbing binge of editing categories with names like “Jewellery” and “Organisations”.
I’ll make a note to fix that at least before the next election. :-)
When I saw how you spelled “Proceedures” it made me laugh, because that is how someone from Texas would probably say it. I don’t mean to pick on you though, as I’m a big fan of your blog. Keep up the good work!
Thanks. Figured at least one of the two people reading it must like it (and I’d already ruled me out).