Dear Santa… WTF Were You Thinking?

Dear Santa,

Next year for Christmas I’d like a cold. Not just any cold, make sure it’s so debilitating I can’t see the family over the holidays. I mean, just cause the kids traveled a few hundred miles in with my granddaughter doesn’t mean I need to see ’em.

While I’m vacillating between thinking I’ll die and fearing I won’t… I’d also like the heat to go out due to failure of an ancient breaker unavailable at any major hardware chain. Try to schedule it on a Saturday night so the stores that might have it will be closed the next day.

I realize this is a tall order, but if you can squeeze in just one more request, maybe you drop the temp outside enough so a water pipe can burst too. Don’t do it while I’m at the house though, let me get a few towns away so it’ll be a surprise when the neighbors call to say they just had to shut off my water main.

Go ahead and set that up for a Sunday. It’s always more fun to call a plumber on a holiday AND a Sunday.

That’s it Santa. I realize you already got me all of those things this year, but I was thinking with a full year notice I might be able to handle ’em a little better.

Love, Rob

BTW… hope you choked on the milk and cookies, you fat maniac.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
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6 thoughts on “Dear Santa… WTF Were You Thinking?

  1. omg Rob, first time I’ve wondered over here from V7N, and another time you’ve about made me spew a drink all over my laptop. Damn, that’s rough, I hope the guy in the big red suite actually takes his meds before next year. Then again, maybe you’re right, it’s better off just to ask for it and prepare. :)

    Like

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