ME: Welcome to C-A. My name is Rob, and it’s been 15 minutes since my last coolpop.
AUDIENCE: Hi Rob.
Everyone remembers coolpops
They’re sorta like frozen KoolAid. In fact we used to make them at home exactly that way. We had those neat little plastic things you poured Koolaid into then froze them.
Don’t know if they still make the little plastic things, but the ones I get at the store are so cheap it’s probably less expensive than making them myself. Plus these are the real thing. Don’t recall the brand, but they’re apparently a very simple to make concoction containing water, flavored corn syrup, and pure uncut heroin.
The Coolpop Monkey on Your Back?
The good news… you can really cut into a tobacco habit by shifting to coolpops.
The bad news… I’ve tried tobacco in every form but injectable, and none is moderately as addictive as coolpops. Fortunately the government hasnt figured this out or the ATF would have a C tacked on at they end so they could tax that too.
Announcing Coolpopaholics Anonymous
So this has been a rambling effort to explain why I’m forming this self-help group. Any adult that has tried coolpops will immediately understand the benefit of such an organization. Thinking we could loosely base it on AA. When you get weak and find yourself in need of a coolpop, you call your sponsor. He comes over and takes you out drinking til it passes.
Oh well… enough. Gotta go to the freezer. I’m just starting this group for the good of others. I don’t need help. I can quit anytime. Really.