Advice for a Happy Relationship

NOTICE: NO Politics in This Post
…Cause in keeping with Federal Regs I must on occasion dedicate space to a Public Service Announcement.

The Deadly Follow-up Line
I’ve heard a lotta women complain that men always say the wrong thing. I’d like to set the record straight. Honestly, it just isn’t true, we say the right thing on a pretty regular basis.

Problem is, we spoil it immediately thereafter with the next thing outta the mouth. If we’d stop while we we’re ahead we’d be fine.

Here are but a few samples:

That dress looks great on you, darlin’.
* It really camouflages your hips.

I’m so glad your mom’s coming to visit.
* Now you’ll have someone to talk to while I go fishing.

Would you like a glass of wine, sweetheart?
* Wouldja get me a beer while you’re at it?

Yes, I remember, the Parent-Teacher meeting is at eight.
* Why else didja think I was gonna work til ten?

Visiting your folks sounds like fun.
* It’s also cheaper than going to a *real* zoo.

I wish they made more romantic comedies like this one.
* Cause Reese Witherspoon is seriously hot.

It’s not that we don’t love you, girls
It’s just that we are, well, men. If we knew when to shut up, we’d be something else. Face it, it’s a miracle we’ve survived this long without a better instinct for self-preservation. But hey, in our defense… men are not entirely alone in this trait. Here’s my favorite paired line from the fair sex:

Of course you’re the first.
* I swear you men all ask the same questions.

So here’s my dating tip
Or better yet, advice for a happy marriage. NEVER, under any circumstance, say more than one line at a time. That’s it. Just say the first line and zip it up.

Trust me, the life you save may be your own.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.
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