Rape Tips from Caring Liberals

Man, did they all show up in a clown car this week or what?
This week liberals have been falling all over themselves to provide advice for women in danger of being assaulted… and of course it doesn’t involve shooting the rapist. After all, the majority of people jailed for violent crimes are Democrats, and we wouldn’t want to harm the voting base.

Here are a few samples of safety advice from the Lib world.

Uncle Joe shares the advice that has kept him from getting raped all these years
Uncle Joe shares the technique that has kept him from getting raped all these years

-1- Joe Biden – Fire a double barrel shotgun into the air, twice

Joe would be a really funny guy if not for the fact he is literally a heartbeat from being the president of the USA. When he speaks you can almost here the calliope playing in the background. Here was his shared wisdom.

Mr. Biden said he told his wife:
“Jill, if there’s ever a problem, just walk out on the balcony here, walk out, put that double-barrel shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house. I promise you, whoever’s coming in is not going to.”

We won’t go into where the woman is supposed to post herself if she lives in a 1-story house, or how many people die from celebratory gunfire aimed randomly into the air.

It’d also be pedantic to pick on the fact that he also said the woman would find a 12 gauge shotgun “easier to fire” than an AR-15. [I’m guessing he isn’t well versed on the fact that a 12 gauge (he did specify) kicks like a freakin’ mule.]

Let’s focus on the fact that if you fire a double barrel twice, YOU JUST UNLOADED THE GUN. Wasn’t Joe the one telling us we need to get rid of high capacity mags so people with a gun could be subdued while reloading?

If I were Jill, I’d wonder how much insurance he took out before giving that advice.


-2- Dem Rep. Joe Salazar of Co – Rape whistles, safe zones and call boxes
Mr Salazar was afraid women just aren’t smart enough to determine when they are really in danger, and this determination was best left to professionals. 

“It’s why we have call boxes, it’s why we have safe zones, it’s why we have the whistles,” said Salazar. “Because you just don’t know who you’re gonna be shooting at. And you don’t know if you feel like you’re gonna be raped, or if you feel like someone’s been following you around, or if you feel like you’re in trouble when you may actually not be…”

So Joe favors safe zones (like Columbine, Sandy Hook, et al), rape whistles, and of course the call box so determinations can be made by the police. You know, like the guys that opened fire on TWO pickups that didn’t contain the bad guys last week as noted in my prior post. They have the shoot / don’t shoot thing down pat, and you ALWAYS have a call box in reach, and police can ALWAYS show up the second you call. Right?

Joe should be given a rape whistle and made to walk through the south side of Chicago, with his wife and children. That’d be educational.


-3- Co State Sen Jesse Ulibarri – Girls could carry ink pens (yeah, really)
While talking at U of CO, Jess didn’t want the girls armed. He pointed out that Gabby Giffords shooter was subdued by unarmed citizens.

“When Congressman [Gabrielle] Giffords was shot and there was a shooting in an Arizona supermarket, people who were unarmed took that person down when he stopped to reload,” said Mr. Ulibarri on Jan. 28.

“There are other ways to address violence and it doesn’t mean we have our kids exposed to a whole crossfire of multiple folks in a room shooting simultaneously,” he continued. “Congressman Giffords’ life was saved and so many others’ when very valiant folks stood up to defend themselves and protect themselves, and they did it with ballpoint pens.”

So here’s the deal, girls. First (and this is important), make sure he misses you with HIS gun, until it is empty. Then, proceed to subdue him in hand-to-hand combat using a ballpoint pen. Got it?

If he is afraid of a “crossfire” when you armed a student, then he IS assuming the bad guy has a gun, right? Maybe he’d like to put his wife or daughter up against an armed violent rapist to demonstrate. Of course, he’d need to show them his personal technique first.

Or maybe we could just set his family on the road in south Chicago about 5 minutes behind Joe Salazar. Don’t worry, we’ll give you a Bic Click to protect yourself with. Moron.


4- University of Colorado advice – Puke / defecate/ fake VD or menstruation
Ahhh, the ever-popular Ferris Buehler’s Day Off defense. “I have a scorching case of Herpes”. Yeah, that’ll fool ’em, especially after you announced publicly that girls should say it.

As for the other self-soiling methods… for those that don’t read the papers, they don’t generally do anything. Plenty of rape victim reports dismiss this as being effective.

Seriously, you dweebs… have you know respect for women?
Women are every bit as capable of training with and operating a handgun as men. More capable if we consider recent spray and pray shootings by the NYPD (took out 8 civilians to get the shooter) or the LAPD (40 shots fired at the wrong women, both were merely wounded). I think we can safely dismiss this BS that ONLY police can handle firearms due to their incredible skill.

You know what IS effective?
A 9mm jacketed hollow point to the center of the guy’s chest, followed by one to his skull. It has the added benefit that it not only stops that attack, there is a 0% instance of recidivism afterward.

But don’t take my word for it. Think about placing your wife or daughter alone in the park where a rapist with herpes has recently struck. Let me know if you want her armed with…

  • a rape whistle
  • a phone
  • an ink pen
  • an empty shotgun
  • advice to shit herself if attacked
  • a fully loaded Kimber 1911 in .45 acp

I know which one I’d pick. The last one. If you’re honest with yourself, so would you.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

7 thoughts on “Rape Tips from Caring Liberals

  1. I know which one I am picking. Living in CO it is sad that these morons think they can tell a women how to defend herself. I assure you they can keep their whistles, blue phones, and anything else. Nothing says get the hell away from me you criminal rapist like a loaded pistol. As for the VP – once again he should stop opening his mouth. He is crazier than a loon and like most liberals know nothing about gun safety. Fire a shotgun in the air and you are going to get rained on by ammunition. Not something I am looking to do. He nor anyone else has the right to tell me how best to defend myself and with what to do it with. Give these morons a clown car and the next thing you know we will be banning cars. Geez where is this world headed.


  2. Remember, you women have the CHOICE… to use any of the methods of defense allowed by these big strong men like Biden and Salazar, who dont want you to worry your pretty little heads about things you clearly just can’t understand.

    Now run along and practice projectile vomiting like a good girl.


  3. I suspect that some of those bleeding hearts may be simply recommending what has worked really well for them in the past.

    They certainly seem like the types that would likely shit themselves if they faced a situation more threatening than a shortage of breath mints.

    By the way, Rob. I believe you’ll find that the illustrious boys in blue actually opened fire on a THIRD pickup (ALSO not the right guy…. also not doing anything more provocative than driving down the street). Three for three… at least they’re consistent!

    I’ll still to my Glock .40, thanks. Damned pens always seem to be out of ink when you need ’em.


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