ARMED FETUS KILLS NINE
Today an armed fetus went on a rampage during a liquor store holdup and killed nine people in cold blood… finally providing a long-sought rationale for people that bring up capital punishment every time they get cornered in a discussion about abortion.
Police are distributing the following sketch of the armed culprit, who as shown in the drawing is armed with an AR-15.
DC SHOOTER ARMED WITH ASSAULT CAR
Police are still looking into the background of the shooter who rammed the gates 3 blocks from the White House and led DC authorities on a chase before dying in a hail of bullets as she exited the car.
The woman was armed with a black Infiniti. Leading Democrats are hopeful this incident will lead to meaningful legislation prohibiting civilians from possessing dangerous assault cars, but spokesman for the Brady campaign said “We will never get common sense legislation passed while Congress is in the pocket of the maniacs at AAA”.
PRESIDENT BOLDLY PROTECTS MONUMENT FROM THOSE IT HONORS
President Obama boldly saved money by paying to erect barricades and post guards to prevent 90+ yr old WW2 vets from creating excessive wear on sidewalks at the WW2 memorial with wheelchairs and walkers.
Other cost saving measures included barricades at scenic overlooks. “The government is shutdown. NOBODY will look at rivers or fall colors… and don’t THINK about viewing our purple mountains majesty or amber waves of grain”.
LACK OF FUNDS FORCES SECURITY CHANGES
The TSA has announced that due to budget cuts they will no longer have the manpower to keep us safe from terrorist nuns, old ladies and children in wheelchairs. Passengers will be met at the gate with a sign that says
“For security purposes we request you grope each other before boarding“.
In keeping with standard TSA protocol… Muslims are exempt.
Let’s face it… the news media quit carrying “news” years ago
My snippits above are every bit as newsworthy as anything you’ll see from the major networks. The major news providers are more interested in cheerleading for the president than actually providing news… so my blog has as much if not more journalistic integrity.
News programs have become the place journalism goes to die. If they’d get off their butts and act like journalists a LOT of our nation’s problems would go away because those causing them would cease to have cover.