RobJonesForPresident Interviews Obama’s Imaginary Son
This is the first of what appears destined to be a multi-part interview with the imaginary son of whom Barack Obama speaks fondly on occasion. As he hasn’t spoken publicly before, we look forward to hearing things from his point of view.
RJFP: First I’d like to thank you for granting me your first public interview. After remaining silent so long… why now?
IMAGINARY SON: Well getting compared to Treyvon Martin pissed me off, but I let it slide. You can’t choose your parents, even imaginary ones, and I cut him slack.
Then he came out with the bit about not letting me play football? That candyass throws like a girl. He’s the last one I’d ask.
RJFP: So out of curiosity, DO you play football?
IMAGINARY SON: I did. Was starting middle linebacker for my imaginary high school. To be honest I dealt out a few of those concussions he’s worried about. The issue should be addressed, but not by DC. It’s as much the president’s business as the name of the Washington Redskins.
And what’s up with that? If I were them I’d change my name alright… removing the embarrassing “Washington” part.
RJFP: OK. Interesting. You know, one thing I’ve been dying to know… do imaginary sons have imaginary names or do you just go by “Barack Obama’s Imaginary Son”.
IMAGINARY SON: Yeah, like that’d go on my nametag at work. Thanks for asking. My name’s Larry.
RJFP: Larry? You aren’t putting us on here?
IMAGINARY SON: What? Not ethnic enough? For heaven’s sake I haven’t seen the guy in 25 years. You were hoping for Barack Hussein Jr? Besides, he went by Barry Soetero when he and mom had their imaginary tryst.
RJFP: My fault, Larry… it just hadn’t occurred to me you two never see each other. So on a somewhat related topic, was Michelle Obama your imaginary mother?
IMAGINARY SON: Moochelle? Oh HELL no. My mom is the composite girlfriend from his novel… I mean biography. Oh who are we kidding? Novel. Mom says it’s as fictional as their relationship.
RJFP: Did you just say MOOchelle? I take it you two aren’t on good terms?
IMAGINARY SON: You take it correct. Seriously, she’s annoying. She eats like a lactating mare, but puts every school kid in America on the Auschwitz Diet?
Besides that… the wench has money. She can’t afford sleeves? Oh well, guess you see why I’m not invited on her fancy vacations.
RJFP: Got it. So basically I gather you and your dad don’t see eye to eye on more than a few topics?
IMAGINARY SON: BIG understatement. Me and his Composite Girlfriend lived perfectly well without my father. She’s a research scientist in a well known imaginary university. She say’s global warming is a crock, and says he’s a clueless git on that topic among many others.
Politically, we’re both big fans of Allen West and Dr Ben Carson. And Trey Gowdy. God I love Gowdy.
RJFP: Ummm… That could be a little awkward at Thanksgiving. You do realize Gowdy’s heading up a committee that’s looking into the Benghazi incident, which might not reflect well on your dad?
IMAGINARY SON: Hey. Big O compared me to a drug addled punk that committed assault and battery. I’m supposed to feel bad for not wanting to shield him from stuff he really did?
RJFP: Point taken. Well unfortunately I see our time is up. We have a few seconds, anything you’d like to add?
IMAGINARY SON: Yeah, one last thing. Maybe I’ve lived in the Midwest too long, but WTF is up with Nancy Pelosi. Am I the only one that thinks she needs to be drug tested daily?
RJFP: Wow. That’d be a good interview topic on it’s own. Are you available to discuss that later?
IMAGINARY SON: Love to. Thanks for having me. Look forward to coming back.