-1- Jesse Ventura defeats decorated sniper’s widow in court and declares “My reputation is restored now”. However in hindsight he finds it may have been optimistic to expect headline: “Ventura Proves Manliness by Beating Up Girl”.
-2- Federal court rules DOJ must disclose “Fast & Furious” docs previously hidden via executive privilege. Insiders expect ruling may have caused as many as 14 hard drive crashes.
-3- Multiple US citizens stricken with the Ebola are being flown from Liberia to the US for treatment. This replaces our former policy of only allowing deadly infectious diseases to freely enter the country via the south Texas border.
-4- President Obama resorts to disparaging speeches and tweets to contend he’s “doing the right thing” by ignoring Congress as well as 2 centuries of established law and the US Constitution. So y’all jus quit hatin all the time.
-5- A book on lives of politicians thru eyes of those on Secret Service details revealed VP Biden loves to swim in the nude. Initial reactions to that mental image suggest this could do more to combat obesity than low-cal bacon.
The sad part is I am not making this stuff up.