SIZE MATTERS

These days I no longer sell real estate… just saddles. Though there’s a lot less money involved, it’s a lot more enjoyable. As a general rule, horse people are just more fun than the general public.

That said, as in real estate, there are always going to be those whose appetite exceeds their means.

In real estate, that was easily mitigated by introducing them to a loan officer, who introduced them to reality. No matter what ones appetites are, you can’t buy a million dollar house unless you have a million dollars, or at least the ability to qualify for a corresponding loan.

Successful agents learn to head that problem off BEFORE showing a lot of houses the folks cannot possibly purchase. If not, they should change jobs and become tour guides or Uber drivers. Then at least they’ll get paid for the trips.

With saddles it isn’t so much the price tag that poses a problem as the seat size. In a nutshell, there are some, truth be told it’s generally females, that want to buy one they might have fit into back when they fit into their wedding dress, but no so much today.

Doesn’t matter if OSHA regs wouldn’t allow them to visit a work site until their butt was equipped with a backup beeper… some will STILL come in insisting they want to get a saddle with a 14 inch seat. “Maybe a 14.5.”

To my own credit, I almost never start giggling when I hear this. Not only would I sell less product, there’s a fair chance some big chick would stomp a mudhole in my chest. [That sort of thing can ruin your whole day.]

Seriously the world would be better if saddle salesmen were allowed the latitude we give bartenders. “Sorry Ma’am, but I’m afraid that’s enough 14s for you.”

There’s a considerable amount of acumen required to get that person out the door with a saddle that will enable them to actually ENJOY their riding experience. Hard to do it without hurting their feelings. Or personally coming to physical harm.

Granted I HAVE done it, but I’ve also let some walk out with a saddle I KNOW they’re going to immediately return because it is “just not comfortable” or “doesn’t sit them right”. [Seriously. The only thing that would’ve made it “sit them right” is a time machine.]

It’s worth remembering that when you ride, NOBODY sees a tag stating what size your saddle is. EVERYONE WILL, however, notice your thighs are jammed against the pommel while your backside overlaps the cantle like the Pillsbury Doughboy in a Speedo.

Lest anyone think I’m picking on the girls here, guys have their related quirks. We’ve all seen a fellow my age trying to wear his old high school Levis. He will attract a lot less negative attention in a pair that fits than one that can’t. Plus denim wasn’t made for that kind of compression, there may be a potentially embarrassing wardrobe malfunction in the works.

Now that I think of it, jeans manufacturers may have already solved some of this problem for us. Now all I need to do is go back and label the 17” and 18” saddles “Relaxed Fit” 14s.

On a related note… hate to brag, but I’d like to point out I can still fit into the hat I wore at my wedding. Yeah. Eat your heart out, people.