[INSERT ≤OUTRAGE≥ {type = selective}]

Screenshot_20190704-132723Trump is “a wannabe dictator” for having tanks, military vehicles, and USAF flyovers at a parade honoring American Independence day.

Never mind military vehicles have used in US parades for over a century, including by Roosevelt and at the inaugural parades for Eisenhower and JFK. Hell, I’ve seen military flyovers at baseball games.

But this time it’s wrong because “orange man BAD”.

presidentrob-1139295630911
I’m Rob Jones… and I approved this message.

SIZE MATTERS

These days I no longer sell real estate… just saddles. Though there’s a lot less money involved, it’s a lot more enjoyable. As a general rule, horse people are just more fun than the general public.

That said, as in real estate, there are always going to be those whose appetite exceeds their means.

In real estate, that was easily mitigated by introducing them to a loan officer, who introduced them to reality. No matter what ones appetites are, you can’t buy a million dollar house unless you have a million dollars, or at least the ability to qualify for a corresponding loan.

Successful agents learn to head that problem off BEFORE showing a lot of houses the folks cannot possibly purchase. If not, they should change jobs and become tour guides or Uber drivers. Then at least they’ll get paid for the trips.

With saddles it isn’t so much the price tag that poses a problem as the seat size. In a nutshell, there are some, truth be told it’s generally females, that want to buy one they might have fit into back when they fit into their wedding dress, but no so much today.

Screenshot_20190527-125514Doesn’t matter if OSHA regs wouldn’t allow them to visit a work site until their butt was equipped with a backup beeper… some will STILL come in insisting they want to get a saddle with a 14 inch seat. “Maybe a 14.5.”

To my own credit, I almost never start giggling when I hear this. Not only would I sell less product, there’s a fair chance some big chick would stomp a mudhole in my chest. [That sort of thing can ruin your whole day.]

Seriously the world would be better if saddle salesmen were allowed the latitude we give bartenders. “Sorry Ma’am, but I’m afraid that’s enough 14s for you.”

There’s a considerable amount of acumen required to get that person out the door with a saddle that will enable them to actually ENJOY their riding experience. Hard to do it without hurting their feelings. Or personally coming to physical harm.

Granted I HAVE done it, but I’ve also let some walk out with a saddle I KNOW they’re going to immediately return because it is “just not comfortable” or “doesn’t sit them right”. [Seriously. The only thing that would’ve made it “sit them right” is a time machine.]

It’s worth remembering that when you ride, NOBODY sees a tag stating what size your saddle is. EVERYONE WILL, however, notice your thighs are jammed against the pommel while your backside overlaps the cantle like the Pillsbury Doughboy in a Speedo.

Lest anyone think I’m picking on the girls here, guys have their related quirks. We’ve all seen a fellow my age trying to wear his old high school Levis. He will attract a lot less negative attention in a pair that fits than one that can’t. Plus denim wasn’t made for that kind of compression, there may be a potentially embarrassing wardrobe malfunction in the works.

Now that I think of it, jeans manufacturers may have already solved some of this problem for us. Now all I need to do is go back and label the 17” and 18” saddles “Relaxed Fit” 14s.

On a related note… hate to brag, but I’d like to point out I can still fit into the hat I wore at my wedding. Yeah. Eat your heart out, people.

presidentrob-1139295630911
I’m Rob Jones… and I approved this message.

TO THE SAFE SPACE, ROBIN!

Since the Mueller report came out and failed to substantiate the Russian collusion meme, I decided to spend a bit of my day off watching MSNBC for entertainment.

They didn’t disappoint.

Seriously, we’re talking major need for therapy. Chris Matthews is hitting his high octave again.

Their struggle to deal with this reminds me of an old poem…
“As I was going up the stairs
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today.
I wish I wish he’d go away.”

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Seriously. It looked like a Situation Room during a crisis as they pondered aloud how to proceed. They uniformly agreed that “this is not over” as they marinated in the soothing presence of their echo chamber where everyone agreed with them.

Then they played a clip of Rep Jerry Nadler, who like Adam Schiff and others, has taken the tinfoil hat to a new level, saying it’s “just too early” for {whatever}. He’s the guy still planning his attack on the other team’s defense as the lights on the field are being shut off after the game.

MSNBC should not be mistaken for a news outlet. They’re a cadre of homely DNC cheerleaders. It doesn’t matter the report they have told us for 2 years would bury Trump didn’t bear out their hopes. They’re invested in their goal of taking him down.

How sad for them. Guess Walmart needs to stock up on coloring books. Bunch of folks will be hitting their “safe spaces” again.

 

I’m Rob Jones… and I approved this message. 

presidentrob-1139295630911

Situational Decisions…

A. Disarm cops! They hunt black men for sport!

B. Only COPS should have guns!
—-
A. Muslims have a RIGHT to enact Sharia law!
B. We must protect women and homosexuals from men!
—-
A. Second hand smoke kills! Outlaw smoking!
B. Legalize marijuana!
—-
A. My body… My choice.
B. What? Why should *I* pay for it?
—-
A. We DEMAND equality.
B. How dare you speak like that to a woman!
—-
A. Hey, Rowe v Wade is established law.
B. 2nd amendment? The Constitution is an old piece of paper.
—-
A. We suspect collusion with Russia!
B. Millions from Russians involved in uranium sales paid to their foundation? Are you implying that’s a problem?
—-
A. He said “p***** grabbing”!
B. Yeah… So she trashed the rep of Bill’s victims. That was years ago.
—-
A. Photo ID! UNCONSTITUTIONAL cause voting is a right!
B. FBI background checks aren’t ENOUGH to stop the wrong people from bearing arms!
—-
A. Why won’t Trump voluntarily show his taxes?
B. So she deleted 30 thousand emails, had phones crunched with a hammer and hit the server with bleach bit in response to a subpeona. At least she isn’t hiding her taxes.
—-
A. It’s a movie about a beautiful love between a man and a boy.
B. ME TOO!
—-
A. Does he think he’s a dictator?
B. How DARE he undo Obama’s executive order countermanding immigration law!
—-
A. We can’t have a TV star president!
B. Oprah 2020!
—-

Just in case you wonder why we don’t take these things seriously.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approved this message.

OMG! THEY GAVE ‘EM TAX CUTS!

WHOSE MONEY IS IT?

Before everyone on the left spontaneously explodes into flames before a CNN camera… let’s discuss reality. A “TAX” takes money from the person who OWNS the money. So what these people are screaming about is that a law was passed saying the federal government will not TAKE AS MUCH AWAY from you when you make it.

Is that really GIVING you money?

 

HOW TAX CUTS WORK

To put it in real world terms… imagine, after a week of work you cashed a paycheck. You and your wife walk home via a dark alley lined with sleeping men with hands folded over paper bags covering bottles of Jack Daniels whiskey or Boone’s Farm wine.

From the shadows emerges a guy in a nice suit, who sticks a gun to your ribs and demands your money, your watch, and your wedding ring.

You comply, but as you hand him the wedding ring he relents, and in a moment of uncharacteristic largesse, allows you to keep it. You smile at his kindness. He begins handing your money to the guys sleeping in the alley.

How Taxes Really Work

THE AFTERMATH

Suddenly, from out of nowhere emerges Chuck Schumer… screaming to a camera that the guy in the suit didn’t “give” rings to anyone ELSE in the alley.

Joining him, Nancy Pelosi demands to know how the guy in the suit intends to pay for the LOSS of the wedding ring.

She points out that given their joint monthly expenditures on crack and prostitutes he can’t possibly afford such generous measures. “How in the hell will you pay for our crack if you run around giving away wedding rings!?”

Next, all the guys that’d been sleeping in the alley pull out the latest iPhone to share pictures of you on social media.

They complain that you were GIVEN a ring by the guy in the suit, but they were not. They discuss how unfair it is, wryly note that your paycheck just doesn’t seen to go as far these days, and gripe about the inadequate recognition of alley-sleepers in general.

They then make plans get together next week after the Superbowl party and protest.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approved this message.

Steinle Murder Verdict: “Not Guilty”

The illegal alien, 6 times deported / 7 time convicted felon who was illegally in the country when he used a gun stolen from a law enforcement vehicle to shoot and kill Kate Steinle, a 32 year old US citizen, as she walked along a San Francisco pier with her father… was found “not guilty” of murder by a California jury.

The man that did it stated he was in San Francisco specifically because it is a “sanctuary city”.

He admits firing the shot that killed her, but depending on which version of his story you use, he “found” the pistol… and either he was shooting at seals, or the firearm simply discharged 3 times all by itself. [That last explanation is of course perfectly plausible if you know less than nothing about firearms.]

Kate’s last words were “Help me Daddy.”

The case leaves me several things I’d really like to say about illegal aliens, sanctuary cities, California, Obama’s border enforcement, and bleeding heart liberals in general… but voicing these right now would definitely destroy the G-rating for my page. I leave it to your imagination. [Hint: It wouldn’t be highly complimentary.]

Suffice it to say you won’t find me banging the drum for a new “path to citizenship” for illegal aliens. We already have a path. It’s called “obey our immigration laws.”

Meanwhile… #BuildTheWall.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approved this message.

Sexual Harassment!

HER: I want to lodge a harassment complaint.
HR REP: What is the nature of the offense?
HER: I caught Bob viewing a near nude picture of me online.
HR REP: Online? What site?
HER: Here it is.
HR REP: Ma’am, that’s Facebook.
HER: So? Does that make it OK to harass me?
HR REP: Not trying to belittle your problem… but have you considered NOT making it your profile picture?

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.