How to Tag Loons vs Friends on Facebook

As Facebook has become widely accepted
…and friends lists have grown, it becomes increasing harder to keep your reading selections free of material you find objectionable.

As Facebook has unreasonably balked at the idea of providing sanity tests before issuing a password, and nobody has invented a breathylizer that attaches to a keyboard, it is incumbent on the user to figure out a way to remove the sea of nutcases themselves or else wade through the drivel.

Facebook Tagging Scheme
One possible solution would be to adopt a handy tagging scheme for users and/or posts, much like the categories and tags used in WordPress. Then users could just go to the ones they like or delete the ones they’d prefer to avoid.

In order to facilitate this feature I’ve provided a handy list of tags below. Feel free to use them or if any important ones were left out… add to them in the comments section.

List of Tags follows:

1 – Narcissist
2 – Raging narcissist
3 – Manic depressive
4 – Clearly types with one hand
5 – CAPS LOCK IS STUCK
6 – Probably has to chew thru straps to access keyboard
7 – Wow, when did she get hot?
8 – Alcoholic – Mean
9 – Alcoholic – sad
10 – Alcoholic – horny
11 – Alcoholic – reconnect with old boyfriends or hot cheerleaders
12 – Alcoholic – Republican
13 – Should be defriended
14 – Should be reported
15 – Should be deported
16 – Should be forcefully neutered
17 – I have no freakin clue who this is
18 – Friend of friend
19 – Friend of spouse
20 – Friend of small animals and children
21 – Waaaay TMI
22 – Probably a prostitute
23 – Thinks “fur is murder” but owns leather pants
24 – Wishes Doobie Brothers would get back together
25 – Anti-gay
26 – Pro-gay
27 – Pro-choice
28 – Pro-life
29 – Pro-death penalty
30 – Pro-tax
31 – Pro-hibitively stupid
32 – Heavily into religion
33 – Heavily into porn
34 – Heavily into methamphetamines
35 – Hates hunters / loves Quarter pounder with cheese
36 – Misses the hell outta high school
37 – Misses the hell outta college
38 – Loves spouse so much it hurts (everyone forced to hear it)
39 – Has family feuds on Facebook
40 – Sports nut
41 – Military groupie
42 – Owns more firearms than the national guard
43 – Lies like a rug
44 – Broken hearted
45 – Terminally Bitter
46 – Terminal optimist
47 – So cheerful you suspect drug abuse
48 – Confuses “friends” with “customers”
49 – Richer than you are
50 – Rebel without a clue
51 – Seriously needs a life
52 – Repost this in 10 minutes or a puppy drowns
53 – Hit “like” and Facebook will donate $100 to this child
54 – Owns library of talking cat pics
55 – Quotes others – pretends he said it
56 – Posts random pics of old stuff
57 – Future serial killer
58 – Probably has bodies in crawl space already
59 – Political hack – generic
60 – Political hack – trolls for Ron Paul
61 – Political hack – has Communist flag hidden in garage
62 – Political hack – certain Romney causes cancer
63 – Political hack – jihadist
64 – Political hack – crusader
65 – Political hack – militant vegetarian party
66 – Political hack – already on terrorist watchlist
67 – Political hack – masturbates with picture of Reagan
68 – Political hack – makes up 95.7% of the stats
69 – Political hack – still mad at Cheney
70 – Political hack – has crush on Obama (pick one)
— Barack
— Michele
— Sasha/Melia
71 Fits into so many above he should have a TRO

Hope this helps. Just as well they don’t do the sanity test thing. I’m sure at least one or two people would miss me {and no, I won’t say which of us wouldn’t have an account}.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.
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From the Mouths of Babes…

Hmm. Went down to the big “Dollar General” store tonite to pick up dogfood and puppy chow. Didnt wanna wake up with a set of vicious canine teeth working on my legbone.

Why Beth does that just so I’ll get up and go feed the dogs is a mystery for another day.

On my way to the dogfood aisle I passed a really cute young mom in a ball cap and pony tail, trailed by a little red-haired pixie of a daughter maybe 4 or so.

As kids are prone to do, the little girl just asks whatever’s on her mind aloud… the subject in this case being the scruffy fella wearing boots, jeans and a cowboy hat they’d just passed.

“Mommy? Is that a cowboy?”

“Yes honey, that’s a cowboy.”

Up to this point, we ‘re doin’ OK….

“Like Grandpa?”

“Yes honey… just like Grandpa.”

 

Just for the record, when they do the movie… we’re leaving that last part out.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

Dear Santa… WTF Were You Thinking?

Dear Santa,

Next year for Christmas I’d like a cold. Not just any cold, make sure it’s so debilitating I can’t see the family over the holidays. I mean, just cause the kids traveled a few hundred miles in with my granddaughter doesn’t mean I need to see ’em.

While I’m vacillating between thinking I’ll die and fearing I won’t… I’d also like the heat to go out due to failure of an ancient breaker unavailable at any major hardware chain. Try to schedule it on a Saturday night so the stores that might have it will be closed the next day.

I realize this is a tall order, but if you can squeeze in just one more request, maybe you drop the temp outside enough so a water pipe can burst too. Don’t do it while I’m at the house though, let me get a few towns away so it’ll be a surprise when the neighbors call to say they just had to shut off my water main.

Go ahead and set that up for a Sunday. It’s always more fun to call a plumber on a holiday AND a Sunday.

That’s it Santa. I realize you already got me all of those things this year, but I was thinking with a full year notice I might be able to handle ’em a little better.

Love, Rob

BTW… hope you choked on the milk and cookies, you fat maniac.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

RE: Forwarded Emails
OK, I’m constitutionally disposed against personally forwarding funny and/or thought provoking emails myself because I’m firmly aware that my sense of humor isn’t universally shared by my friends.

That said, if you read my blog… aside from already having questionable tastes, you’re also subject to being stuck seeing what I really think.

The following showed up in my inbox today, compliments of the lovely & talented Mr Watson. My contribution aside from posting it here is limited to formatting. Fwiw, here’s the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative laid out pretty clearly:

The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

  • If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
    If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
  • .

  • If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
    If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
  • .

  • If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
    If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
  • .

  • If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
    If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
  • .

  • If a person of color is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
    Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
  • .

  • If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
    A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
  • .

  • If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
    Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
  • .

  • If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
    A liberal non-believer says he’s offended and wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
  • .

  • If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
    If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labor and then sues.
  • .

  • If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
    A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”.
  • .
    Caveat
    If anyone on the same email list as myself is paying close attention, they might notice I removed the part about healthcare. That wasn’t an accident because I think our existing system is a clusterfuck of fraud, graft, and ridiculous lawsuits that drive costs thru the roof… but that’s a whole nuther post.

    I applaud those sincerely interested in fixing it, a group which unfortunately doesn’t include most in Congress. Expect them to talk a lot and do nothing to fix it, and you’re pretty safe.

    Meantime, the list above is IMO… pretty accurate
    I don’t worry a helluvalot about offending any friends of a liberal bent, because if they’re my friend, it’s a safe bet they already have a pretty tough skin and can accept a difference of opinion.

    If any of my friends on the other side of the spectrum are certain it doesn’t portray their views, then it’s entirely possible they aren’t who I’m talking about. It does however match what I’ve seen from many others, so… if the shoe fits…. :)

    I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
    I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

    The Night Before Christmas

    Naah… as I post it’s actually a couple of nights… but nobody has a decent poem out that starts “It was a couple of nights before Christmas”, so I’m claiming poetic license.

    BOTW BLOG POST
    On the topic of poetic license, I figure mine’s gonna get revoked. Wrote yet another parody of the Christmas classic “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. That probably makes mine about the 12 millionth, so there’s bound to be a penalty. License revocation’s about the least they should do.

    Having already defaced the poem once I won’t repost it… but you can see it in all its infamy over at the BOTW Blog.

    Twas the Night Before Christmas (Webmaster Version)

    Feel free to go throw rocks and stones. You won’t be the first.


    Meanwhile: The BethO Hostage Crisis Continues

    Beth (aka: TheBride™) is on about day 20 or so in a row at work.Economic downturn or not, the guys that buy saddles and horse stuff down at the saddle shop seem to able to buy… so things are pretty busy.

    Unfortunate part, her boss is a little fella named Klint Owens, and he is in my opinion a jerk… a preening, posturing little bully that has an amazing shortage of men at his shop. Could be because it’s easier to pick on girls and smaller guys. A full sized cowboy might clean his clock.
    [Edited this section on 3-27-2009 to add what I diplomatically avoided in December.]

    [Hi Klint… hope you have a Google alert going, you pompous little windbag.]

    Anyway, at this rate I’ll probably see her around March.

    NOTE TO SELF:
    Tell the dancing girls to quit coming to house at the end of February.

    Hope everyone has a great Christmas. Best wishes on making 2009 a great year.

    I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
    I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

    Puppies, More Puppies, and a Grand-Puppy

    Hmmm… Must be that time of year.

    Group #1

    • Mom: Tigger Dog – Husky (Beth’s Dog)
    • Dad: Name Unknown (lives in neighbors yard when not visiting here) – Golden Retriever
    • Date of Foaling: June 10 (verified)
    • Number in Litter : 8 (6 surviving)
    • Location: Knee space in Guest Bath cabinet
    • Status – Mom’s first litter. Looks like 6 fat healthy piglets at a trough. Three are golden with thin white dorsal stripe, 2 have black/white w brown accents (husky markings), one is jet black w white tummy and tips of toes.

    Group #2 (Wanna Kid Photo? YOU crawl under the house)
    Mom: J.D. (aka: Jane Doe… was running outta names) – Mixed Hound w some Lab (Official Trail Pup)
    Dad: Same Golden Retriever as above. He’s very popular.
    Date of Foaling: On or before June 10
    Number in Litter: ???
    Location: Under the house about 60 ft past crawlspace entry

    Status: I know one didn’t make it cause JD brought it out rather than keep a health hazard near others. Brood is safe under the house, potential predators wont enter the yard due to horses and other dogs. JD plans to get her figure back fast, she’s insisted on hitting the trails with me and the horses twice since these guys hit the ground. This is the dog that runs with every trail ride taken outta here despite having lost an eye when she hacked off a horse from a tad too close. She’s seriously tough for such a nice dog.

    Group #3 (Note: 3rd pic is the father when he was a puppy)

    • Mom: Katherine Lanvers Jones (aka: Kathy… the last name is a fairly recent addition)
    • Dad: Mark Jones (aka: Polo… tho the longstanding nick is limited to those currently in my chair)
    • Date of Foaling: June 15 (Happy Father’s Day Sgt Jones)
    • Number in Litter: Just one, but it’s awful cute.
    • Location: Dallas Presbyterian Hospital (not as imaginative as “under the house” but probably more practical).
    • Status: Youngster is 8 lbs 4 oz, named Reagan Michelle Jones. Unlike the babies you look at and say “oooh… ahhh” in parents presence… then after you walk away you go “Was that thing human?”… this one really IS pretty. Probably because the parents are, but my story involves strong genes passed on by the paternal grandfather. Currently pink in color, she’s a future Championship Barrel Racer and World Champ in Cowboy Mounted Shooting.

    This one is of particular import, as it is my mom’s first great grand-child, my first grand-child. [Is “grand-spawn” a word?] The Mom’s well and will be outta the maternity ward soon. Dad’s thrilled, he’ll be a good father, and tho I generally appreciate whatever tool he gives me for father’s day… this was an interesting departure from the norm.

    Congrats Kathy, and Happy Fathers Day Mr Polo. Our prayers are with you.

    I\'m Rob Jones... and I approve this message.

    I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.