GREAT MOMENTS IN COMMUNITY ORGANIZING: Benedict Arnold

Let us not forget the great community organizers amongst the founding fathers. Chief amongst them, George Washington… remembered today for his historic trade of five Hessian commanders to retrieve Benedict Arnold.

Pictured: Washington bravely trades 5 Hessian leaders to save Benedict Arnold.
Pictured: Washington bravely trades 5 Hessian leaders to save Benedict Arnold.

Washington subsequently honored Arnold in a ceremony at the White House Rose Garden, which confused many since the White House did not yet exist. Though his soldiers persisted in pointing out Arnold had defected to the British and Washington had previously stated he would not negotiate with Hessians, he boldly refused to be swayed by their negativity.

“Remember our Community Organizer credo” he said. “We never leave a man behind.”

Arnold was subsequently given multiple promotions and all back pay he’d missed while in Great Britain. This was unfortunate for him, as he was hung by redcoats after Washington lost the war.

As they now say in DC… God Save the Queen.

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GREAT MOMENTS IN COMMUNITY ORGANIZING: The Alamo

I’ll never forget that great moment in Texas history when, rather than rallying troops to battle with a cry of “Remember the Alamo”… Sam Houston instead blamed the loss on the wholly insensitive treatment of Hispanics in the movie “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”.

“Let us remember… the future must not belong to those who insult those south of our border. Mexican bandits built the very fabric of our nation.” ~ Gen Sam Houston

Random Mexicans armed with field artillery engage in spontaneous protest in response to insensitive video.
Random Mexicans with field artillery engage in spontaneous protest in response to insensitive video.

Afterward, Houston declared victory in the war against Santa Anna and withdrew all troops to Baton Rouge Louisianna per his previous campaign promise.

That is why, as we all know, Texas is the northernmost of Mexico… though we have a bit of a problem with Texans swimming the Red River to seek a new life in Oklahoma.

Face it. Replace Sam Houston with Obama… this post would be in Spanish.

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

 

GREAT MOMENTS IN COMMUNITY ORGANIZING: Iwo Jima

Today marks the 70th anniversary of the battle of Iwo Jima, which we won after Franklin Roosevelt wisely observed… “We cannot kill our way out of this war… we must concentrate on improving the Japanese economy and providing them viable job opportunities.”

Then we held a giant job fair at which we hired over 20,000 Japanese soldiers to create cheap transistor radios and cars that get better gas mileage than ours.

US Marines lure pensive Japanese fighters from cave with job apps and promise of a $15 minimum wage.
US Marines lure pensive Japanese fighters from cave with job apps and promise of a $15 minimum wage.

Think about it. Replace any one of several prominent figures in history with Barack Obama… George Washington, Andrew Jackson, Sam Houston, Abraham Lincoln, US Grant, John J Pershing, Woodrow Wilson, FDR, George Patton, Winston Churchill, Dwight Eisenhower…

  • Would the flag over your courthouse look the same?
  • What language would you be speaking?

There’s a very good chance it would not be the same one as now.

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

 

THE REAL STATE OF THE UNION

We’ve entered a phase where we no longer fix problems… We pretend they’re not there. If facts are really inconvenient, we play act.

We avoid mentioning we are 18 trillion in debt. We just play like we have an excess. We even fantasize on national TV about who we might give it to.  Hey… let’s make college FREE!

"Clap your hands if you believe!" ~ from Peter Pan
“Clap your hands if you believe!” ~ from Peter Pan

 

We measure unemployment in a way massive numbers of unemployed simply dont count.

We redefine “deportations” to pretend we fixed the border.

We declare ourselves the winner of the war on terror and strut away… Leaving a bewildered and previously beaten foe in control of a battlefield he didnt earn. A battlefield paid for in the blood of U.S. patriots.

From the wisdom of a prior era:
How many legs does a dog have if you call a tail a leg?
Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. ~ A. Lincoln

Still true. The real state of the union? Denial.

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Deaths in Sleepy Hollow ruled “Workplace Violence”

headless horseman

THIS JUST IN: Magistrate rules deaths in Sleepy Hollow “workplace violence”. Cautions citizens against over-generalizing. “Headless horsemen have long been a vital part of the fabric of our nation”.

 

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1 Guy Jumps Fence – White House Evacuated

wh intruderSeriously? We have people jump our fence a few thousand times a day and we haven’t evacuated Texas, you giant pansy.

If it helps, don’t think of him as a trespasser, consider him an “undocumented resident” of the White House. Show a little compassion for heaven’s sake. He adds diversity to the tapestry that is the oval office. This isn’t a crime, it’s a humanitarian crisis.

So do the right thing, Barry… just put him up in the Lincoln bedroom a coupla months at your expense while congress decides whether or not he can just stay there forever.

Unless maybe you want to just pull out that famous pen and let him stay there yourself.

This crew wouldn’t recognize irony if it chewed off their pants leg.

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I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

White House Announces Improved Border Security

NATIONAL SECURITY NEWS
This morning the White House announced completion of a new ultra secure southern border fence, built at a cost of $3 trillion. Nancy Pelosi pronounced this as clear evidence of the president’s continued commitment to the safety of our homeland.

A $4 billion bid is underway to have the sign thereon translated into Arabic, Urdu, Pashto and Farsi.

border gate

The sign contract, secured by Barry’s Imaginary Son & Sons, is estimated for completion in June.

In Related News…
The president of Mexico filed a formal protest, saying such unwarranted and Draconian security measures might deny millions of central and south American children their right to unfettered access to the US education system.

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