BREAKING: Holder Denies Bias Against Officer

AG Eric Holder - Champion of Justice
AG Eric Holder – Champion of Justice

Aug 21, 2014 Ferguson MO

HOLDER DENIES BIAS
In response to hints that in the officer-involved shooting case he might be biased against the police officer, Atty General Eric Holder pointed out he is sworn to uphold the law of the land.

“Our system includes a presumption of innocence… And that protection covers everyone, even this racist sunuvabitch.”

Holder added… “In keeping with that ideal, we intend to make sure the officer receives a fair and unbiased trial… Followed by a first class hanging.”

IN RELATED NEWS
Some have suggested St Louis County prosecutor Bob McCulloch recuse himself due to his close ties to police.

No word if a similar demand will be made to Holder in light of his close ties to criminals.

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

In defense of Eric Holder….

The “creeping sense of remorse”
In a sparkling moment of inspiration, Eric Holder has acknowledged the “creeping sense of remorse” he’s felt as recent news stories have unfolded. For those that are unfamiliar with Mr Holder’s history… he’s not so much expressing doubts about the moral rectitude of his actions as much as a feeling the rest of us would describe as an “oh shit I’ll never get away with this what the hell  was I thinking” moment.

Face it. That has nothing to do with conscience
Holder’s conscience hasn’t been heard from in so long that even he couldn’t locate it with a search warrant and all the imperial storm troopers he used to raid Gibson Guitars.

Eric Holder, like his boss, is a lying cockwaffle.
Eric Holder searches the mental databank for his next permutation of truth.

But in the wake of the news that, just like the IRS…
… Holder has been using his authority as Attorney General like a pair of brass knuckles to punish and intimidate political opponents of the Obama administration… he’s apparently decided to launch a charm offensive.

[Nice trick when you don’t actually have any charm.] 

Plans to meet with the mainstream media
I’m sure some believe the object is to apologize for several actions that he’s personally taken (as well as personally denied taking while under oath), but more likely he’ll try to deflect blame onto others and evade knowledge of his own actions (much less *responsibility* for them), which has long been his modus operendi.

Meanwhile, I’ve heard Democrats that continue to defend Holder
… say it’s like banging their head against a brick wall, and they fear continuing to do so might cause permanent damage.

Don’t worry, guys… those brick walls can take a lotta punishment. :-)

I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

Eric Holder Signed Spurious Search Warrant… Obama Assigns Eric Holder to Look Into It

Seriously now…NBC News (that bastion of rightwing propaganda?) announced they’d been informed by law enforcement that the search warrant that named Fox  reporter James Rosen as a “possible co-conspirator” for violations of the Espionage Act was signed by Attorney General Eric Holder. That warrant authorized them to seize his private emails.

Eric Holder signed warrant  naming James Rosen in esponage probe.
Eric Holder looks into wrongdoing by Eric Holder. Launches greatest manhunt since OJ began searching for the real killer.

Gosh Mr Holder… that might have been a pertinent detail to mention when this scandal broke.

The disclosure of this spurious claim against a high profile reporter, which included labeling him a flight risk, has been cited among a string of other scandals (most recently… the AP reporters records seizure and the IRS scandal where conservative groups were targeted by a special unit) as disclosing a pattern of intimidation tactics by the executive branch that has caused a “chilling effect” among journalists and political opponents.

But fear not, our president has tasked someone to investigate to make sure there was no wrongdoing. In keeping with the sterling managerial judgment that has gotten this administration into multiple such scandals… the man Obama has assigned to look into it is (drumroll please)… ERIC HOLDER.

I can only begin to imagine how much better college would’ve been if my professors had the good sense to assign me the task of grading all my own essays.
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UPDATE: It was just pointed out to me that during last week’s I-don’t-know-fest during which Holder literally gave some form of I don’t know answer over SIXTY times… he made actually gave a definitive answer. He told Congress the following (under oath and on camera):

In regard to potential prosecution of the press for the disclosure of material. This is not something I’ve ever been involved in, heard of, or would think would be wise policy.
This guy is toast.
I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.

Eric Holder and Voter ID

Now That the Polls Have Closed…
I’d like to give a shout out to Eric Holder and his fine team at the Department of Justice for their magnificent work shooting down voter ID laws in virtually every state that attempted to pass them… notwithstanding the fact that the US Supreme Court has held such laws constitutional and many states already have them.

After all, we wouldn’t want to stop our honored dead from exercising their traditional right to vote for Democrats.

I’m Rob Jones… and I approve this message.