Dear Miss Manners
As you know an African American shot 8 white people in a church this weekend. In order to avoid being politically incorrect, I’ve decided to treat this as done by others, but have a few procedural questions.
1) Not sure of protocol on order. Do we pull down black monuments before looting, or after?
2) I understand this social injustice entitles me to a free video equipment upgrade. Can I wear a belt while claiming my new flatscreen, or does tradition require my pants drag?
3) It’s embarrassing to admit, but a hair weave will not do me much good. Is it ok to loot a saddle shop instead? Or maybe Barnes & Noble. I haven’t read Hannity’s last book.
4) I’m travelling from out of town. Who do I see about buses to the event?
5) During the riot portion, tradition requires I throw bricks at black people unrelated to the events I’m protesting. Something about that strikes me as stupid. Is it ok to skip that?
Last question is not so much about protocol as just a general query about purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I DO want to strike a blow for social justice. It’s just a lot of this seems self serving, unrelated to what we’re protesting, and frankly counterproductive. What am I missing?