President Eats Black Child on Live TV

Today while visiting with the women of The View, the president killed and ate a black child selected at random from the audience on live television. *

In response, Whoopi Goldberg remarked how nice it must be for Michelle to have a husband who can prepare his own meals, and added that Mitt Romney would undoubtedly have slaves do this for him. Joy Behar mentioned how fit and trim the president looked, then slipped him a pair of panties on which she’d hastily scrawled her phone number.

White House spokesmen continue to deny the televised event happened at all, but privately state that if it actually had happened it was no doubt caused by a do-nothing congress and the failed policies of the previous administration. Spokesman Jay Carney added that if such an event were to occur the details would clearly be protected by executive privilege.

Though most appear to be willing to accept the explanation, the incident is tentatively being blamed for the president’s precipitous drop to a 95% approval rating among black Americans.

*NOTE: This is satire, not news. The difference between this site and mainstream media… we acknowledge that there is a difference.