The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

RE: Forwarded Emails
OK, I’m constitutionally disposed against personally forwarding funny and/or thought provoking emails myself because I’m firmly aware that my sense of humor isn’t universally shared by my friends.

That said, if you read my blog… aside from already having questionable tastes, you’re also subject to being stuck seeing what I really think.

The following showed up in my inbox today, compliments of the lovely & talented Mr Watson. My contribution aside from posting it here is limited to formatting. Fwiw, here’s the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative laid out pretty clearly:

The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

  • If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
    If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
  • .

  • If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
    If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
  • .

  • If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
    If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
  • .

  • If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
    If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
  • .

  • If a person of color is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
    Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
  • .

  • If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
    A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
  • .

  • If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
    Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
  • .

  • If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
    A liberal non-believer says he’s offended and wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
  • .

  • If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
    If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labor and then sues.
  • .

  • If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
    A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”.
  • .
    Caveat
    If anyone on the same email list as myself is paying close attention, they might notice I removed the part about healthcare. That wasn’t an accident because I think our existing system is a clusterfuck of fraud, graft, and ridiculous lawsuits that drive costs thru the roof… but that’s a whole nuther post.

    I applaud those sincerely interested in fixing it, a group which unfortunately doesn’t include most in Congress. Expect them to talk a lot and do nothing to fix it, and you’re pretty safe.

    Meantime, the list above is IMO… pretty accurate
    I don’t worry a helluvalot about offending any friends of a liberal bent, because if they’re my friend, it’s a safe bet they already have a pretty tough skin and can accept a difference of opinion.

    If any of my friends on the other side of the spectrum are certain it doesn’t portray their views, then it’s entirely possible they aren’t who I’m talking about. It does however match what I’ve seen from many others, so… if the shoe fits…. :)

    I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
    I'm Rob Jones... and I approve this message.
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    23 thoughts on “The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

    1. Here you go :)

      A liberal is willing to fight for liberty.
      A conservative is willing to give up liberty for security.

      If a liberal doesn’t believe that abortion is morally acceptable, she doesn’t have one.
      If a conservative doesn’t believe that abortion is morally acceptable, he or she wants to prevent anyone from having one.

      When a liberal asks where he gets his news, he’ll give legitimate sources such as the N.Y. Times or Washington Post.
      When a conservative asks where he gets his news, he won’t usually answer because it’s not from legitimate news sources.

      A liberal sees wrong and tries to right it.
      A conservative sees wrong and if it involves another conservative, he claims it’s biased.

      A liberal believes most foreign policy issues are best dealt with by taking diplomatic measures.
      A conservative believes we should bomb first and ask questions later.

      A liberal doesn’t mind his hard earned money going to legitimate government programs.
      A conservative hates all things government, but doesn’t mind his hard earned money going towards multi-million dollar bonuses for CEOs.

      When a liberal thinks about education, he thinks about college.
      When a conservative thinks about education, he thinks about grade school and high school.

      A liberal knows that a fact is information that is verifiable.
      A conservative thinks a fact is something you can link to. It might be just somebody’s opinion, but if you can link to it, he believes it’s acceptable to use it as a “fact.”

      A liberal debates with facts.
      A conservative debates by insulting the other person.

      A liberal evaluates information and forms an opinion.
      A conservative gets his opinions from right-wing pundits.

      A liberal debates by siting events that have occurred.
      A conservative debates by predicting events he believes will occur.

      A liberal debates using facts.
      A conservative debates the facts.

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    2. It’s always thought provoking to hear that the logical high ground is held by those that argue that a serial murderer should be sentenced to life instead of death, but for an unborn child it’s the other way around.

      The mental gymnastics must require tremendous discipline.

      Nonetheless thanks for posting. If we all agreed on everything, some of us would be unnecessary. :)

      Like

    3. Desperate need for “control” we can see in conservative people talks about a tremendous inner fear. I know that being paranoid doesn’t mean there is no one after you. But right now, there is no body.

      Like

    4. Well, as the only time that word appears on this page is in your post, I’ll assume you didn’t read the post or comments, and simply commented for the purpose of a backlink.

      Congrats, you have one. Given the enormous popularity of this blog, hope the three people that read it make that backlink worth your effort. :)

      Like

    5. Isn’t it the conservative right wing that firestorms the FCC with letters, every time Janet Jackson (or any other harlot) shows her tit on national TV?
      Where’s the “live and let live” attitude there?

      Come on, Dude. Both sides want things their own way and that precludes letting others do what they want. ;)

      Like

      1. Hey Zap. Welcome to the zoo. :) If the point is there’s always a share of nutcases on either side of the aisle, no argument here. In fact, if you were talking to a right-wing fundamentalist that’d be a bonafide show-stopper.

        In my case… I’m of a Libertarian bent as far as personal politics. It doesnt matter if someone wants to go to the school library to ban “Harry Potter” as a potential un-Godly influence… or wants to ban Mark Twain’s “Tom Sawyer because it uses non-PC references to minorities (which were in common usage at the time written). I consider BOTH attitudes equally benighted and equally harmful.

        The “government as nanny” concept is, in a nutshell, *bullshit*. Washington pols should basically provide for national defense, then shut up and go home. We don’t really need them to save us from ourselves. That’s *our* job.

        Thanks for stopping by. ~ Rob

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    6. When I think of all the 12-14 hour days I spent, aimlessly wandering the ‘net after I retired, I find it amazing that I never stumbled across your blog before, Rob. Damned shame! Glad we connected on another front, so I found this. Being another outspoken (displaced) Texican, I think I may have found a home!

      ‘Less of course, you’re gonna set the dogs on me.

      Great blog! I think clusterfuck pretty well sums it up.

      Like

    7. Hey Doc – Yes, it’s true, the web was a vast wasteland until this blog appeared to salvage it and give it purpose. [Of course I may be biased.] ‘Bout time you got here and found truth and beauty.

      Like

    8. Rob,

      Pretty good blog … the great writing, frankness, and realism kept me around nonetheless :)

      I won’t post a dissertation about differences, divisions or even alleged decisions; but, I would like to start a list of where we could all find things we agree on or at least find some commonality with civility when exercising our citizenry duty …

      Let’s start with a few maybe:

      1. Health Care is screwed up.

      2. Some people cannot be rehabilitated – no matter how many sociologists, psychiatrist, psychologist or even we ‘left-of-center’ folk – there’s no damn cure for pedophilia and those sick shits needn’t be walking around, anywhere, anytime.

      3. your move ;)

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    9. I’ll warrant there’s a helluvalotta stuff both sides* agree on… and your #1 up there is a good example. There are only three reasons anyone on either side of the aisle might contend that health care is in peachy keen shape:

      -1- They’ve been on the Congressional plan so long they have no clue what the average citizen faces in relation to health care
      -2- They have been financially insulated from same for ages (ie – silver spoon)
      -3- They have a serious habit of abusing hallucinogens

      It isnt at all unusual for the sides to agree on the problem… the trick is finding a cure they can come to terms on.

      As in the the recent health care bill, by the time they get a doc both sides will sign, it’s such a piece of watered down swill it cant accomplish what might have been achieved had either of the divergent plans been used. Its as if Columbus said lets go to India by traveling West, his first mate wanted to get there by going east… and they compromised by going north.

      —————-
      btw – The asterisk at the top by “both sides” is an acknoweldgement that there are not now nor have there ever been “two sides” in politics (ie – liberals vs conservatives). There isnt even a linear spectrum with neocon on one end and ultra-lib on the other.

      Probably the best way to represent the “sides” would be quadrants like on a Briggs-Meyers test… but with the horizontal axis labeled “liberal” and “conservative” and the vertical axis labeled “social” and “Fiscal”.

      I doubt thats an original thought, and somewhere somebody’s probably gotta test we could all take, but it’d be a heckuvalot better way of looking at our system than the mythical “Lib vs Con” comedy routine addressed tongue-in-cheek in this blog post.

      I’m usually labelled a conservative, yet there are many “liberals I like and admire, and just as many so-called conservative who… well, I wouldnt piss on their head if their hair was on fire. As such, I enjoy the humor available from the lib/con simplification, but doubt it’s a safe way to categorize folks in a lotta cases.

      If you have a social conservative/fiscal conservative vs a soc-lib/fisc-lib… yeah, but peole can fall in so many parts of even one quadrant as to make the conveniences of the names only a rough analogy of their position.

      All IMO… tomorrow I’ll probably go back to oversimplification, but in the meantime just acknowledging that in truth I know better. :) ~ the GOOD rob

      Like

    10. wow. you demonstrated to me how a conservatives really thinks. this list doesn’t offend me, but my bleeding heart liberal self just can’t help feeling sorry for your silly narrow minded stereotypes. in spite of this flaw, however, you forgot the most important distinction of all……

      if a conservative saw a man fall down in the street, he would think to himself, “that lazy stinking drunk”.

      if a liberal saw a man fall down in the street, he would help him to his feet.

      Like

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